Healing Your Relationship with Yourself

8 min read

Updated: Feb 4

One of the most important relationship you will ever have in this lifetime is the relationship with yourself.

This relationship is a major factor in how you view yourself, how you feel about yourself, how you treat yourself, and how you show up in the world.

In my work, I often see lack of self-worth and self-love as a common issue. What I think is crucial to understand about this is we’ve been told this is a mindset or a choice, that we can easily know our worth or love ourselves by just transforming our thoughts - I don’t fully agree.

Sometimes you can’t just change your mind or your thinking because you want to. Energetic blockages or detrimental energy can make it nearly impossible to hold a new point of view or new perspective. These energies can be keeping you from having the type of relationship you desire with yourself.

Most people don’t choose to feel bad about themselves, be hard on themselves, or be judgmental towards themselves. Most people don’t choose to be confused about who they are or to struggle with who to be in this world. There are many internal and external factors that affect your relationship with yourself, and at the end of the day, all these factors are energetic at the most basic level. So, to improve the relationship with yourself, these energies must, and can be, healed.

How the Relationship with Yourself Becomes Strained

As previously stated, many internal and external factors affect the relationship you have with yourself. Here are some examples, and keep in mind all of these at the basic, fundamental level are energy.

Internal Factors

Chakra imbalances
Blockages in meridians
Mind / Body / Spirit out of sync
Disconnection from Mother Earth
Vibrating below ideal frequency
Vows, oaths or agreements from this lifetime or past lives
Disease/Illness

Chakra Imbalances: There are seven main chakras throughout the body that are depicted as swirling balls of energy. Each of these chakras has a different function and responsibility, but any of these spinning out of balance can have a detrimental impact on your relationship with yourself.

Blockages in Meridians: Meridians are energetic pathways throughout the body most commonly associated with acupuncture. Like chakras, these various pathways also have different functions and responsibilities. When blockages or detrimental energy exist in these pathways, it can have a negative impact on how you view or express yourself.

Mind / Body / Spirit Out of Sync: While separate, they are intended to work together harmoniously, and yes, your mind, body, and spirit can become out of a sync. The analogy I like to use here is think of your mind/body/spirit connection like a rock band. Each separate instrument and vocals work together in their own way to create a cohesive, harmonious sound, but when any of those parts is off-key, out of tune, or off-rhythm, the final result is messy and irritating. The mind/body/spirit are all separate, but when balanced and in harmony with each, create a beautiful existence.

Disconnection from Mother Earth: A strong connection with Mother Earth keeps you grounded. In fact, re-establishing or strengthening this connection with Mother Earth is called grounding. It gives you stability on every level. Grounding is often done by walking barefoot in nature, but this can also be done through energy healing and meditation which is especially helpful if you are unable or prefer to not walk barefoot.

Vibrating below Ideal Frequency: I term optimal vibration as ideal frequency. It is at ideal frequency you feel your best on every level. But even if challenges arise, they are much easier to navigate when you are at your ideal frequency. Vibrating below ideal frequency, especially for an extended period of time, can create a variety of challenges for you physically, emotionally, and/or spiritually.

Vows, Oaths, or Agreements from this Lifetime or Past Lives: You may think of vows as something you make for marriage or oaths are reserved for government officials, military, and other professions. However, you can also bind yourself in this lifetime or in past lives with vows, oaths, or agreements. These “contracts” may have once been helpful, but perhaps are no longer and need to be removed.

I heard this story from another healer years ago and will share it with you to increase your understanding of how vows, oaths, and agreements work.

In present time, a woman found herself struggling with her career and relationships. If her career was going great, her relationship suffered. And if her relationship was going great, her career suffered. It seemed she could never have both at the same time. By working with an energy healer, she discovered she had made a vow in a previous lifetime that had carried over to this lifetime.

In a past life, she was from a wealthy family, but fell in love with someone who was not. Of course her family did not approve of the relationship and this created much discourse between her and her family. If she stayed in the relationship, she would no longer have access to the family’s wealth. But she valued love over money, so much so that she vowed she would never choose money over love.

She unknowingly carried this vow into her current lifetime, which easily explains why she struggled to experience love and money simultaneously. Once the energy healer cleared the vow, the woman was finally able to have both at the same time.

External Factors

Expectations, beliefs and detrimental programming (brainwashing) from:
- Society
- Religion
- Politics
- Family
- Social Circles
- Education
- Media
Undesirable experiences from or with other people
- Abuse
- Bullying
- Teasing
- Fighting/Arguing
- Presence of negative entities
Energy of your home or another space you frequent
Medications/Drugs/Alcohol
Empathic baggage
Relationships with other people or concepts

Expectations, Beliefs, and Detrimental Programming (brainwashing): Expectations affect you because you might try to force yourself into something or a way of life that is not meant for you, but you know it is expected of you. For example, be born, go to school, go to college, get a job, get married, have children, retire, and die seems to be the expected life cycle, except it doesn’t fit for everyone. So when you stray from the expectations, you might feel like a failure or constantly having to defend yourself for choices you’ve made.

Beliefs are shaped by your experiences and through what you have been taught. Some beliefs are true and some are not, but even if you believe in something false, it’s still true for you. Beliefs are more powerful than thoughts. You can practice transforming your thoughts, but beliefs are deeply ingrained in every cell of your being. Beliefs can be the difference between constantly struggling and thriving. They can be the difference between illness and vitality. The energy of beliefs is extremely powerful.

Detrimental programming is a gentle way to describe brainwashing. Programming is the purposeful intent from yourself or of an outside entity to manipulate your thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors. Programming isn’t always necessarily a negative experience. For example, you can program yourself to practice heathy habits like self-care or exploring your creativity. But detrimental programming can exist, like making you eat fast food more than you normally would or becoming addicted to unhealthy habits. The function of brainwashing is to gain power and control over you.

All of these can affect the perception you have of yourself and how you present yourself.

Undesirable Experiences from or with Other People: From minor arguments to serious physical or emotional abuse, undesirable experiences with other people can have a detrimental effect on the relationship you have with yourself. These negative experiences can cause you to blame yourself or to feel inherently flawed. Some instances may have even triggered a trauma response in your body or energetic field, making it difficult for you to feel safe or secure at any given time. Healing this energy restores your faith and confidence in yourself.

Presence of Negative Entities: Negative entities are low-vibrating spirits you often cannot see, but usually can feel their presence, like a dark cloud hanging over you wherever you go. Negative entities like to feed off low-vibrating emotions, especially fear and anger. When a negative entity is attached to someone, they like to manipulate situations to create those low-vibrating emotions, keeping people in a lower state of existence. Most negative entities do not go away on their own, so it is essential to release them through energy healing as soon as they are detected.

Energy of Your Home or Another Place You Frequent: The energy of your home and spaces you frequent have an impact on your energy which directly affects how you feel. If the energy of these spaces isn’t at its optimal vibration, it could keep you in a lower state of vibration despite all your efforts to raise your vibration.

Medications/Drugs/Alcohol: I am not declaring myself a proponent or opponent of medications, drugs, or alcohol. I am simply raising awareness that the consumption of these things can directly affect and alter your perception of yourself.

Empathic Baggage: Empaths have the ability to feel, but beyond that, they have the ability to transmute low-vibrating energy into something better. But oftentimes empaths are not aware of this ability and are unable to transmute everybody else’s energy and instead, take it on as their own. Empathic baggage is the energy of someone, something, or some place that the empath experiences as their own energy. It can be felt physically and or emotionally and can be especially draining, which in turn affects how you feel in your own mind and your own body from either your own perspective or the perspectives of someone else’s energy.

Relationships with Other People or Concepts: This will be discussed more in the following posts. (Links provided at the end of this article.)

There are many things that can impact the relationship you have with yourself and most, if not all, of these factors can be addressed by looking at and working with the energy.

Why Improving Your Relationship with Yourself is Important

This all really comes back to if you’re struggling to have a healthy, positive relationship with yourself, looking at the energy to find these blocks or detrimental energies and shifting or releasing them is extremely beneficial to improving your relationship with yourself.

When you truly love yourself, you openly and confidently share your gifts with yourself and others. You feel capable and able to tackle anything that comes your way. You feel your best and understand your mind, body, and spirit and what you need to do, consume, or stay away from to nurture yourself on every level. You know who you are. You value who you are.

And most of all, you know you are loved and that you are love.

Continue learning about relationship healing in the articles below.